One of them, to which I didn't assist (because I was busy trying to get a pair of earrings discounted), was about the realism of yaoi. Now, I'm not a yaoi fangirl. I like it, but I'm not one to squeal to high Heavens just because two guys happened to finally admit their undying love, just like I won't squeal to high Heavens if it's an heterosexual couple, or a lesbian couple. I'm just not that much of a... squealer. Or hopeless romantic. So, I happened to miss the panel and not worry about it, but my friends went and told me about it and I regretted letting my non-yaoism (and frugality) take precedence on my obsession of realism (although I'm still happy with my 2$ earrings and the ginormous bubble tea I drank on my way back to the Palais des Congrès). And what they told me about it made up my mind about yaoi: I'll keep to shonen-ai, it's easier to get right.
And so my mind started drifting.
1. Stop looking for realism in yaoi. There is none.
2. Really, stop looking for realism in anything anime, manga, or just plain japanese. There is rarely ever, slash none.
3. And while we're at it, those yaoi- and/or yuri- and/or plain hentai-watching fanfiction writers often lose their sense of realism. Therefore, see above.
Now, I know that's not always the case. There are some pretty good, sometimes excellent, sometimes mind-blowing adult-fanfiction writers out there. Just like there are some pretty good, excellent, mind-blowing erotica writers out there. (Seriously, people, stop bashing fanfic. It's a playground, a pretty nifty source of free reading, and just because it's amateur doesn't mean everyone writes horrendously as I do.)
But most of the time, just as most of the fanfic on FF.Net is written by 'tween girls, it's bad. As a disclaimer, I would like to say that I'm not any better (though at least I didn't write 'adult' fic when I was 13) and that there's a pretty good reason I don't write R- or NC-17-rated fic.
I know it's entertainment. I know it may have your favorite characters in it, in the case of a doujinshi. I know it may be full of sexy bishounen (or girls, depending on if we're talking about yaoi, yuri, hentai). But it's not inspiration for fanfic, and most of all it's not research material. Why oh why do they think it is?!
... Anyway, rant over. Going back to my capuccino, wishing it were bubble tea.
After... five years.
I went from the average thirteen-years old fanfic writer, all hopeful and sort of innocent (but not really, because no thirteen year old invested in fandom can be innocent, of all things) with not-quite-horrible grammar (for a thirteen-years old) and, worst of all, bearing Mary Sues, to an eighteen-years old delusioned fiction-addict who believes she should have stopped caring about fandom a long, long time ago and started worrying about things such as — oh gee I don't know — real life.
Scary progression, but at least I don't write Mary Sues anymore.
Oh, and I switched languages.
My first language, and basically the only one I can speak to an acceptable level, is French. I love it, I apparently have an excellent grasp of every tiny detail that makes it nice when written, and if I ever manage to write something original that's worth anything, it'll be in French. Internet, however, is extremely English-based, and fandom is so scarcely represented on the French side of the language barrier that there's no choice but to jump over to the other side.
There may be a few exceptions to this. One fandom that is vast enough in French, but it's enormous worldwide so that's not too surprising, is Harry Potter. But even then, when compared to the English fandom, there's just not the same diversity to what's found in either fanfic, fanarts, or just people to talk to about crazy theories.
Problem is, English is quite different from French. Some may say it's simpler, and while I may agree, there are many little things that either come from writing a literate French or from reading a little too much mainstream material that make my written English awkward. And though I do find it much simpler to write fanfictions in English, if anything then because I don't read/watch/play translated material, so I rarely ever know the French technical terms for, say, what the TARDIS might stand for in Doctor Who, or the translation is plain ugly -- such as many names in the Final Fantasy-verses. (Just thinking about "Clad" makes me physically ill. And it has nothing to do with how much I despise Cloud.)
Considering I write awkwardly, however, most of the stuff I write won't ever see the light of any comm. That's a good thing. A very good thing. I also edit a lot more than the average fanfic writer. That's also a good thing. And it gives me a lot more practice than I'll ever get (or need) in French.
That also means that the only pieces I tend to judge as 'worth seeing' are... drabbles.
Bite-sized pieces of vanilla-flavored awkwardness.
I find that a little sad, considering I'm far too verbose for my own good. It's like denying my nature for fear that someone'll say "Bleh, you suck!" when I do suck... at drabbles. Ah, irony, how I adore thee. *eyeroll*
« I can see it already. In another time, another place — a crowded meeting full of dejected-looking, nameless people I couldn't care less about, standing from an unconfortable chair not unlike those we have in high school to claim something that I've feared for a long time already:
"Hi, my name isvanilladream and I am addicted to fiction."
I know, it's a weird thing to be addicted to, and it actually shouldn't be harmful. Not like drugs, or alcohol, or... who knows what else, really? But it is. In a completely different way, psychological rather than physiological, fiction addiction is destroying me.
And I'm loving every minute of it. »
Okay, so this is fictional. I'm don't ever plan on going to a support meeting for... fiction addiction? But the idea keeps popping up. I am a fiction — and fandom, though I think that's the worst part here — junkie. It's just not that bad a thing, and I'm kind of proud of it, if only because there's so much to imagine within the fictional realms...
... and within fandom. Because, as it stands now, imagination knows no bound to the fangirl.
Many thanks to my friends for showing me this.
Anyway. Makes no sense (no surprise there), but I had to start my journal somehow, and- and I love writing about the wacky state my mind's usually in!